1. Fart on stage
There will come a time when nature triumphs over nurture; the body wins and a fart sneaks it’s way out on stage. This is the only time deep breathing is not advised on stage.
Advice: pray that it occurs in the heat of a ‘Street Car Named Desire’ style argument, not in a Shakespeare soliloquy. The more hidden the better.
2. Complain to another actor about the director (when that actor is sleeping with the director)
You will find out too late, and you will have been ratted out. The director now hates you.
Advice: gossip about the director to another actor.
3. Enjoy kissing a co-star
Yes, we can sometimes have real feelings.
Advice: extend the kissing scenes each night, unless otherwise directed.
4. Use a cast mate’s toilet
It will be the 5-minute call. You will destroy their toilet.
Advice: You will pretend it never happened.
5. Be naked in front of your parents
Once again your parents will see you naked.
Advice: remember you were born naked.
Advice 2.0: never speak of nudity with your parents.
6. You will taste bad breath.
It will happen when you least expect it, but you will kiss the taste of garlic, onion and more.
Advice: one day you will have the bad breath; be forgiving.
7. You will laugh during someone’s big moment.
At the most serious moment of the play you will begin uncontrollably laughing.
Advice: if you are a peripheral character: leave the stage. If you are a major character your character is now laughing. Make that the reality.
Advice 2.0: to laugh at someone at their most vulnerable is one of the most humiliating things you can do to another human. Expect to be hated for this behaviour.
8. You will use your acting skills for evil
You will use your acting skills to deceive, steal or fall in love.
Advice: this is a great way to use your acting ability. And will further you as an actor.
What unsavoury things have you done in your career so far? Leave a comment below…